I’m Feeling Down – The Pain of Betrayal Lingers

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I’m feeling down…
Not suicidal and not mentally ill
Just down, and wearing a frown
Things aren’t going according to plan
Seems to be my new, everyday
I should be joyous and filled with cheer
Or at least that’s what others would say
The holidays and colored lights
Family time and winter sights
And all I see looks dark and grey
I sit in silence and contemplate
How I came to be in this state
All the things I used to love
Times I went to greatest lengths
No details left to chance
Perfection without circumstance
The finest meats and elegant tables
Flowing drinks without limitations
And not a request was ever made
For any coin or currency
No exchange or reparations
Toasts were toasted at my expense
Every guest like royalty
Shared with them my greatest gifts
Uncompromising hospitality
Complete unfettered generosity
Worked to build a community
Including those who had no path
The lost, confused, or uninformed
Opened my home; without limitation
Some who sought a new refuge
Others just seeking…something
Room for all; none turned away
I felt satisfied, as if I brought hope
Not because of me or mine
But something bigger, from high above
Serving as a humble messenger
But one who felt the difference made
Until there came a fateful day
My world was crushed; I’d been played
Those people who I’d given time
Broken bread, served them wine
Fulfilled their needs and watched them grow
All for naught it appears
But somehow some felt a dying need
To take me down, wound my soul
To betray my giving and openness
With gossip, slander, and negativity
Focused squarely upon me
The punch in the gut
Betrayal; from so-called friends
Dragged me down to newfound depths
Feeling raw and completely used
By those who enjoyed the fruits
Tasted the seeds, sipped the juice
Now I see their double faces
Smiling while they schemed at me
Judging me in a harsh opinion
Assumptions without admissions
But felt the need for repetition
On the roads and in other gatherings
Whispering barbs and sharpened lines
Every cut led to this, my time of dying
Mortally wounded by such betrayal
I’ve chosen surrender; no fight
Going underground with my grief
Sadness of which I’ll no longer speak
It may heal, if I’m granted time
But permanently changed I’ll be
Another scar upon my heart
Confusion reigns and likely will
My front door closed and hearth fire cold
Fineries shelved and gathering dust
My circle closed, never again reopened
Sadness my current companion
Betrayal and it’s many lessons
And the eternal question
Why…

Additional Reading Suggestions

Colors of the Night

The Aftermath – When Every Question Goes Unanswered

 

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